What I've learned from email.

Do you get lots of emails telling you not to eat this or spend your money on that?  I received the following in an email from a friend...I thought it was hysterical!  Hope you can relate.....

Thank you for the educational emails.

I  no longer use Cling Wrap  in  the microwave because it causes seven different  types of cancer.

AND  THANKS FOR LETTING ME KNOW I  can’t boil a cup of water in the microwave anymore  because it will blow up in my face.. Disfiguring  me for life.

I  no longer go to the movies because  I could be pricked with a needle infected with  AIDS when I sit down

I  no longer go to shopping malls because  someone will drug me with a perfume sample and rob  me.

I  no longer receive packages from UPS or Fed  Ex  since  they are actually Al Qaeda agents in  disguise.

And  I  no longer answer the phone because  someone will ask me to dial a number for which I  will get a phone bill with calls to Jamaica ,  Uganda , Singapore , and Uzbekistan

I  no longer buy cookies from Neiman-Marcus  since  I now have their recipe.

THANKS  TO YOU I  can’t use anyone’s toilet but mine because a big  black snake could be lurking under the seat and  cause me instant death when it bites my butt.

AND  THANKS TO YOUR GREAT ADVICE I  can’t ever pick up $2.00 coin dropped in the  parking lot because it probably was placed there  by a sex molester waiting to grab me as I bend  over..

I  no longer drive my car  because  buying gas from some companies supports Al Qaeda,  and buying gas from all the others supports South  American dictators.

I  can’t do any gardening  because  I’m afraid I’ll get bitten by the Violin  Spider and  my hand will fall off.

If  you don’t send this e-mail to at least 144,000  people in the next 70 minutes, a large dove with  diarrhea will land on your head at 5:00 p.m.  tomorrow afternoon, and the fleas from 120 camels  will infest your back, causing you to grow a hairy  hump. I know this will occur because it actually  happened to a friend of my next door neighbor’s  ex-mother-in-law’s second husband’s cousin’s best  friend’s beautician . . .

Oh,  by the way.....
A  German scientist from Argentina , after a lengthy  study, has discovered that people with  insufficient brain activity read their e-mail with  their hand on the mouse.  Don’t  bother taking it off now, it’s too  late.

PS:  I  now keep my toothbrush in the living room, because  I was told by e-mail that water splashes over
6  ft. out of the toilet.