Saturday, July 29, 2006

Older Women with Younger Men

Astraea of Enchanted Ramblings ended her review of Dance for Me, part of the Up Close and Personal Anthology with this: "If there is a real Reino out there, I'd like to give him my phone number."

I once had a Reino in my life. Well, sort of…He was even in construction (although, unlike Reino in Dance for Me, he was a nail pounder). I was 34 and a single mom, he was 24. My son and daughter were thirteen and fourteen. John was a terrific guy—handsome, fun and attentive. We did some wild and crazy things for the six months we were together.

Then one night we stayed in to watch TV with the kids. He sat on the couch between my son and daughter, eating popcorn. The three of them were giggling, throwing popcorn in the air and trying to catch it in their mouths. I couldn’t help but laugh, but I realized that night that, as fun as John was, he wasn’t the man I wanted to spend the rest of my life with. That was the last time I saw him, although he did call up three years later to tell me he had turned twenty-seven.

Now I'm dying to hear your stories. I imagine some of you even married your younger man. Tell us about it.

Pam Champagne
WHERE PASSION AND DANGER COLLIDE
www.pamchampagne.net
Ribbon of Rain
Dead Heat
Missing in Action
"Up Close and Personal" Anthology
All available at Triskelion Publishing
Pam's Blog

68 comments:

Lori said...

Hello Pam~
I have only really dated one younger man and it was when I was in high school. He was not that much younger age wise, but he was about two grades behind me. I met him when I was eating at Pizza Hut with a couple of my friends and we were short on our bill. We were desperate and I thought I would ask these boys for a couple of dollars. One of the boys said that he would give me the money but I would have to give him my number. I reluctantly did as he was only a grade higher than my younger brother...but desperate times call for desperate measures.
He called and we started dating. He was a wonderful guy and at that time he filled the bad boy image...he was in a bit of trouble, not living at home, and so incredibly cute! We dated for about a year and I truly believe that he was the first boy that I truly fell in love with. I still think of him and have incredibly good memories of him. We stopped seeing each other because of things like peer pressure...he was a few grades behind me and I thought I had to hang out with older guys. He moved away and I only saw him one more time when he came into town looked me up and took me for a ride on his motorcycle and met my beautiful daughter...I was only 18. He dropped by my folks house right after I had gotten married. I still think of him from time to time and I recently found out that he had passed away at a very young age.
Gosh, I must really be thinking of him this evening as this is the second post that I have mentioned him in.
Lori

Pam P. said...

Hi Pam. I was with a younger guy for 2 years (35-25). We hit it off right from our first meeting and had a lot of things in common, thought about getting married, even bought a condo together. After that, things changed, I think because of the extra financial burdens he still wasn't quite ready for even though he was all for it, more than me. Who knows if we'd met several years later when he was a bit more experienced and ready to take on those cumbersome things in life. Still we remained close friends.

Pam writes some great books, be sure and check them out.

Becky said...

Hi Pam,
Congrats on all your books. I've joined your group. :)

Pam P. said...

Lori, how sad he passed away so young.

Becky said...

I really don't have a story to tell. I am most likely really young compared you all and have only ever dated older guys. One of whom was going to ask me out and I ended up elbowing him in the groin and spilling man drink on him. I haven't seen him since then. lol

Jennifer Y. said...

Sorry to hear that Lori.

I have never dated a younger man.

Nonny said...

{{hugs Lori}} I'm sorry. :(

I've never dated a younger guy, myself. I'm 21 and the vast majority of guys younger than me tend to be hormone-crazed skankballs.

My guy is older than me, by about seven years, but somewhat amusingly, I'm the youngest woman he's been with ... he's always been the younger one in the relationship before, and the age difference was usually 10+ years.

Kelley said...

My hubby is three years younger then I am. We have dated since we were both teens.

Ali said...

Haven't dated anyone younger than I am. Of course I'm only 23 and have been with my current boyfriend since I was about 19 :-)

Dannyfiredragon said...

I would say it's more important that you love each other than how much older or younger your partner is.

Stacy Dawn said...

I did marry a younger man...but only by two years LOL.

Nonny said...

Danny, that tends to be my opinion, as well. That being said, age differences in relationships are still seen as "odd," especially the younger you are and more dramatic the difference. (My first lover was thirty years my senior, for instance, and there were many people who did not approve.)

Morgan, my fiance, is only seven years older than I am, and I've been asked several times if the age difference bothers me at all. I know it's looked at even more oddly when the woman is older, and I can see how some people might not want to deal with that issue.

Meljprincess said...

I married a younger man. But after a while I felt like his Mom and we divorced.

Debby said...

I have never dated a younger man but there is a couple at school with almost 20 years difference. They have been married for 3 years and are quite happy together.

Laurie said...

Let's see.. I dated a guy in college who was two years younger than me. He wanted to become more serious but, I wasn't ready to settle down, at least not with him. I ended up getting married when I was 23...my husband's not quite two years older and now we'll be celebrating our 30th anniversary next summer.

Julie in Ohio said...

I've always gone older. DH is 5 years older than me.

I've read books with heroine being older than hero and as long as it doesn't turn out to be a "mother" type thing it works.
Lisa Kleypas SUDDENLY YOU is a good example of it working and was the first book I read that had an older woman/younger man scenario. Also Kathryn Jordan HOT WATER is another really good one.

Cheryl said...

I married a guy 6 years younger than me. We divorced after 5 years and 2 kids. It's been 8 years and every time I have to communicate with him about the kids, I find he may have gotten older but he still hasn't grown up.

Dannyfiredragon said...

The strange thing is that it is very often more acceptable that men have younger women, but if a woman has a younger man, the people think that it is strange.

Cryna said...

I have never dated anyone younger than me, although my first husband who was 4 years older would have qualified for being younger. Not sure if he ever grew up.

I agree with the other posters, if it works for you then that is all that really matters where there is an age difference.

Nonny you are right about how people perceive age differences in marriage. In my second marriage my late husband was 18 years older than I was. You would never have known to see us together, but when people found out there were some strange questions. And that was back quite a few years before you had a lot of relationships with age differences.

Pat said...

Ah, younger man, older woman. Makes for a great story. I have read a few. There are not that many books with that theme out there.

Kay Sturm said...

My husband is 3 years younger & my sister's husband is 9 years younger. These are both second marriages - our first husbands were older but definitely NOT better. Wouldn't have it any other way!

Pat said...

Ooh - I didnt answer the question. I have never dated a younger man either. My husband is about a year and half older and we have been married 37 years. I dated a guy 10 years older than me when I was 20 - I felt the difference was too much.

Just wondering - what is that garbage can icon that appears as the bottom of my posts? I dont see on anyone else's.

Dena said...

I dated 2 younger men years ago. I think they were first attracted to me because I look a lot younger than I am. Still do,everyone thinks my sister that is 32 is older than me and I'm 8 years older. I think there is such a double standard I hate when people say things about a woman with a younger man,it's okay for men to be with younger woman.

Judy F said...

In another lifetime I dated a guy about 4 yrs younger then me. It was fun while it lasted but the diff in ages really helped the break up

Kathleen said...

I have never dated a younger man.

Pat, I also see a garbage can when I post...I think only the poster can see it.

Kathleen said...

Pat, I think the trash can gies you a chance to delete your message if you wnat to.

Dannyfiredragon said...

@ Pat:

the garbage can means that you can delete the comment if you want.

Carol said...

I never dated anyone younger and I married someone seven years older than I am. I really don't think age is important.

Sue aka MsCreativity said...

I'm guilty as charged. I married my younger man last year. He's 12 yrs younger than me - I'm now 37 and he's 25. (Wedding pics are in the May archive of my blog for anybody curious...lol!)

Jenn said...

I have never officially dated someone younger than me. When I was 19 one of the guys I hung out with was 16 and he wanted us to start dating but I just couldn't do it. At that stage in our lives we were just in two totally different places. Shortly after that I started dating my husband who is about 4 years older than me. The other guy and I stayed friends and now he is married to a wonderful girl too.

Pam Champagne said...

Such interesting comments and interesting lives out there. And Lori, I know how you feel. Both my boyfriends in highschool died at a very young age and it leaves a hole in your heart, even though you weren't meant to spend your life with him.

Way to go Mscreativity.

I've been married twice. Both husbands were five years older. Three to five years older is a good match for me.

AudreyB said...

I always dated older men, about 8 or so years older than me, but when I moved to California for a while that is where I met my hunk of a husband who is five years younger than I am. My friends kidded me when I first dated him because it was not my usual older man. But after everyone met him and got to know him, he made all of our lives a little more exciting!

Juliet said...

I have never date a younger man, my hubby is two years older than me and we have been together for around 20 years. However, in romance, I love stories about older women, younger men, and I have found new authors looking for this theme. Don't know why, but is one of my favorites. Maybe, because my first favorite author was Agatha Christie, whom I glommed in my teens, and I also was fascinated by her personality and her life , and she had a happy second marriage to a guy 14 years younger than her. I wish there were more romances with this theme, I really like them.

Debbie E said...

I have never dated anyone younger than me simply because before I was married - younger meant not mature enough. I was married when I was 21 and we just celebrated our 26th Wedding Anniversary.

Now as far as fantasies go - well that's another story!

Mark St. Claire said...

These are very interesting stories. Sad and happy. Since I'm the only man here at the party, I'm just going to let you lovely lady's talk about your experiences. I don't have one anyway. LOL. But keep them coming.

Chantal said...

I have no story for this one, because I have been with the same man since I was 16, and he is 4 years older than me.

Marcail said...

I was a single 28 yr-old mother of two and he was 22. He was a lot of fun and a considerate and adventurous lover. We dated for about six months and then he wanted to take it to the next level and have our families meet. I met his and understood the unspoken concern I saw in his mother's eyes. I broke it off because I didn't want my kids to get attached to him. I was concerned we couldn't survive as a couple if we didn't have the wholehearted support of our families and friends. I know I hurt him, but I couldn't take a chance. I have nothing but the best of memories with him and for this I will always thank him.

Julie S said...

I've always been into older guys, and my DH is five years older than me :-)

Jamie Leigh Hansen said...

When I was in high school, I accidentally showed up at a guy's birthday party. Long story. But the first thing I did was count the candles on his cake. 3 months older than me. Boy was I glad they hadn't included "1 to grow on". LOL We've been married 12 years now, though we waited for a year after graduation. But it's strange. I joined his family and watched his brothers grow up over all these years. And the one who was 12 back then, grew up and married a woman 15 years older than him. It's been inspirational to watch how she matures him and he keeps her young. :)

Susan said...

I seemed to date guys who were usual at least two years older than me. But I my true love ended up to be two days younger than me. Not exactly a younger man! LOL

Anonymous said...

Wow! This is more common than I thought! My hubby is younger than me for almost 5 years. This is my second marriage and he is just what I needed, he is the best thing that had happened to me. I wouldnt have it any other way.

Niny said...

Wow! This is more common than I thought! My hubby is younger than me for almost 5 years. This is my second marriage and he is just what I needed, he is the best thing that had happened to me. I wouldnt have it any other way.

Niny said...

Okay how did that happened I have no idea! Sorry about the double post!

Barb V. in NY said...

I have never dated a younger man -- dh is three years older than me -- but I have firsthand knowledge of one relationship that was truly a match made in heaven. My great aunt was 15 years older than my great uncle. Both are now deceased. According to my mom, when they first got together back in the late 1940s, his family was scandalized -- very different attitudes in those times. (She was an ambulance driver for the Red Cross during WWII.) As a kid and young adult, I can remember them being blissfully happy and so devoted to each other. Everyone in the family always held them up as an example of a perfect marriage. He passed away in his 50s from a heart attack. She lived into her early 90s, and she always talked about "my Herald." I think when you find your soul mate, age could not matter less.

robynl said...

First dh was 3 yrs. younger than me and considered too young and immature for marriage; we lasted 8 yrs.
Second dh is 4 months older was today is our 17th wedding anniversary.
In between marriages I dated younger and older men.

KimW said...

I've never dated anyone younger than me. I was always attracted to the older ones and married someone much older than me, too.

Cathie said...

Pam, I'm 6 months older than my husband. He even has my teens teasing me that mom's older than me and we all laugh til I'm the same age. But I often chime in that i'm wiser, smile.
But I've read some good ones with the age difference, but really not much. I haven't seen any. What do you recommend?

readingissomuchfun said...

Hi Pam,

Thank you for being here to blog with us. At Lucy's lovely blog party. I tell you my TBR pile has grown so much this past wk *Winks*

I always dated older guys *G* I am engaged to a wonderful man now. I am going on 25 in August 29th. He just turned 27 in May. Not to far apart. But I never dated younger guys. I always wanted the older ons LoL

Wow Lori I am ss to hear that.

HUGSSSS
Linda.H.

Lucy Monroe said...

Dh is 2 years older than me, but the older I get the less I think age matters. I can totally see a very happy relationship between an older woman and younger man, especially once both of them have matured to a certain point. But honestly? People mature in different areas at different times and I think of this sort of in the same realm as the talk I give to my single friends who tell me how "lucky" I am to have such a perfect husband. He wasn't who is now when we got married. He's grown. So have I. As long as both people grow and continue to accept one another with abiding love after the marriage...I guess ages and a whole lot of other things just don't matter.

Not outside forces. Not the opinions of others. Not even how long you've known each other. My in-laws didn't want dh to marry me, but after the birth of our first child (2.5 years LATER) they mellowed. LOL

I'm so very much in love after 18 years and can't imagine what it will be like ten years from now, but as both dh and I continue to grow and change, we look for ways to embrace the person the other has become more fully. Love is bigger than anything, but you have to give it reign to see it work, I guess.

Oh...can you tell I'm a romance writer? I believe in the happy beginnings I write! LOL

Hugs,
Lucy

Melissa said...

I have always found my self attracted to older guys until recently (maybe it's because I turned 40 - grin). I did date one guy about 5 years younger than me when I was about 35. I don't think the age difference was such a problem as the fact that he had some serious mother issues that I think he will continue to have no matter what his age. I'm just trying to keep my mind and heart open to the right person and not concentrate on an age.

Joyce said...

Been married a long time and my dh is 2 years older.

ShelMel said...

LOL - Hey Pam! I can't say that I've ever dated anyone that much younger than me, but my husband is 2 1/2 years younger than me. Does that count? Probably not, huh?

Now my sister is 42 and she's dating a 29 (almost 30) year old!! And having lots of fun. I say as long as you're having fun, who cares??

Your books sounds awesome! Congratulations on the cool review!

Estella said...

I dated a younger guy when I was a teenager. It was fun while it lasted--a whole summer.

Cherie said...

ok I actually dated one of my friends younger brother not the best idea I ever had.

my friend was actually fine with it though I just felt funny.
He was two years younger.

~Cherie K~

Pamk said...

i've never dates a younger man. Lol when I was dating all my bf's got progressively older. My hubby of 20 yours is almost six years older than me. And he acts like he is younger go figure.

Darla said...

No younger men...my husband is older though...wouldn't change him for the world!

Tee said...

Pam,

I have a confession....I am eight years older than my hubby. He has not complained so far....

Amy said...

I never went in for the younger guys. I have alway's been attracted to the older men.

Veronica said...

I have never dated a younger man. I do know several people who have dated and married younger men though. One of them is about 15 years older then he is and already had 2 kids at the time. They have been married know for about 6 years and have a child together. I would date a younger guy though if the occasion ever arose.

Kiki said...

I'm a few years older than my boyfriend (though I'm not an 'older' woman, thankyouverymuch. it's 'young woman, younger man'!).
My mum is older than mydad by a few years as well, so maybe it runs in the family? We like our men youn g and sprighty. =P

We don't have any maturity issues at all, but that might be because I'm not the most mature person on the planet...

I couldn't date an older man. Every time I've tried, I've just been annoyed to cookie crumbs with his demeanour. Or maybe it was just pot luck.

Cherie said...

I also know many women who married a younger man, my mother-in-law is one of them I think they are about 5 years apart but you would never really be able to guess.

~Cherie K~

KarenG said...

I cannot think of any younger men that I went out with. I married an older man, twice. Didn't work so well. I suppose I should have tried a younger one.

Karen

Rachael said...

I liked the older guys. I am engaged to a wonderful man that is older then me.

bamabelle said...

Hi Pam,

I have only dated one younger man. I was 24 and he was 21. We had a blast dating, but even with three years difference, I still knew I wanted someone more mature for a long term relationship. He also said "Dude" all the time which really got on my nerves lol!I met my husband the next year. He is only one year older than me, but that seems to be just right for us. I think a lot of it depends on the individual.

Cherie Japp said...

I have to be honest and say I have never dated a younger man. Never met one that I was interested in.

Marcy said...

The only time I had a crush on a younger guy was when I was in HS and he was 2 grades below me. *sigh* His parent's didn't approve of that so they forbid us from seeing each other. He was a really sweet guy.

Kay Sturm said...

My sister's 9-year-younger husband is better with her kids than their own father was, even if one of her kids was already taller than him (he's 2 inches shorter than my sister) when they met. He has been a real blessing in all our lives.

It's not age but character and maturity that count.

Jodi said...

I only dated one gut younger than me, and he was only 1 year younger so that really doesn't count.
My sister is married to someone who is 12 years younger (I think) and he's been a blessing to her and her kids. They now have 2 little girls together.